Disappointment

Have you ever felt disappointed in God? Something happens in life that you can’t understand, and it makes you feel let down that God allowed it to happen. Sounds pretty awful, but hear me out. I always wanted children, but when I received them, it was nothing like I had imagined. God blessed me with nine children; however, He chose to call every one of them home to Himself before I could even meet them. When I was pregnant with our last child, I ended up carrying her for the longest time. I got to a point where I thought perhaps I would be allowed to keep this one. But God had other plans, and my little girl was called to her heavenly home long before I was ready. My disappointment and hurt were harder to endure than anything else in my life. God gave me what I wanted, but I felt He took them away too soon. I was devastated and disappointed that God would let me go through the same loss and pain so many times and still not let me keep and raise a child. I was disappointed that He waited until I finally started feeling hope for a different outcome to take my little Izzy away. I felt let down and betrayed by the One whom I loved the most, as if I had the right to expect God to do what I wanted Him to. My hurt was so great I couldn’t even think about God or begin to pray without weeping. And while so many people may understand what I was experiencing, I know my feelings were based on a very wrong perspective. I looked at the situation from a sinful, selfish, and earthly perspective. And while the feelings I had were real, they weren’t exactly helpful or right. If we turn to scripture, we can find several instances where God’s people struggled in similar ways. In Exodus 5:22, we read, “Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, ‘O Lord, why have You done evil to this people? Why did You ever send me?” Instead of attempting to hide from God, as I did, Moses went to the Lord with his questions. The first thing we ought to do when confronted with struggles, trials, or questions is go to the only One who has the answers. While we may not get a direct answer or sometimes feel like we’re not getting an answer at all, the point is that we bring all things before our heavenly Father. Moses did not understand God’s plan, and I believe many of us struggle with this at varying points in our lives. Look to God and His word. Like the writer of Psalm 63, we ought to earnestly seek God; our souls should thirst for Him. Despite our sinful inclinations to want to push God away, we must run to Him. Fight the desire to push Him away, as that will only lead to more disappointment and hurt. Run to the only One who can help you.

In John 21:22, “Martha said to Jesus, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Martha honestly told the Lord what was in her heart and trusted that God could do anything, even raise the dead. When you go to God in prayer, be honest about your thoughts and feelings; why try to hide what He already knows? Being honest with God forces us to be honest with ourselves. Is what you’re feeling really about your own selfish desires? If it is, ask God to change your heart, that you might better know Him and find peace and wisdom in His word. Bring your struggles before the Lord and ask that He give you a right heart and a Christ-like attitude. In Luke 5:4-5, we read, “And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, 'Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” 5 And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word, I will let down the nets.” Trusting in God is vitally important for our relationship with Him. There are many things in God’s word that go against our natural inclinations, but when you trust God’s word and follow His teaching, you find He answers us, even in our disappointment. The answer could be yes, no, or not now, but He always answers. Trust that God can do anything and that, ultimately, He will do what is best for you. 

If we turn to 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, we’ll find one of my favorite passages, Paul wrote, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I often struggle with wondering why God allows some people to live with chronic disabilities, illnesses, or pain, or in circumstances that seem unbearable, and I think many people in these situations ask those same questions. We wonder why God doesn’t just take the pain or problem away. What we should be asking God is what work He has planned for us to do despite or even through these things, and how He intends to use our weaknesses. God has a plan and a purpose for you and your life, even in your weaknesses. By using our weaknesses, His power is revealed. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” When you study God’s word, it becomes obvious that God loves His children deeply. He is wise, beyond our understanding, and His plan for us is good. Nothing in this life happens by chance; God has a greater purpose for both the good and the bad. 

Going back to 2 Corinthians, where Paul speaks of the thorn in his side and how the Lord says my grace is sufficient for you, I find it hard not to think of the Holy Spirit. Like us, Paul couldn’t have come to terms or found comfort in these words if it weren’t for the Spirit growing his faith to accept the thorn and the Lord’s direction. Without the work of the Holy Spirit our hearts would stay hardened and drawn to sin and evil.

Years later, I look back at the time in my life when I struggled so much with understanding God’s purpose, and I’m blessed to see some of the good that came from all my sorrows. I formed many relationships I probably would never have had, and each has been a blessing in its own way. I also know that I’ll never have to worry about my children’s place in heaven. They are already there. Psalm 22:5 says, “To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.” Galatians 6:9 tells us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” God’s plan, God’s way, is best. If we live by God’s word and follow what it says, God will reward us. When you understand that His plan for you is good, it is less likely you’ll be disappointed because you know and trust His plan is ultimately for your good. Like a runner in a race, focus on following the right path to the finish line. “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:6-7). Our salvation is what God is working towards, and what we go through in life is all meant to lead us there. There are times in our lives that we must go through hardships so that we turn back to God, learn to be Christ-like, or perhaps even help others. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22). Trust God with all your feelings; He understands and loves you. Trust that no matter what we go through in this life, He will sustain you. “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39). If we trust in God, there is nothing that can separate us from Him, not even our own weaknesses. Live, in all things, to His glory, and the hardships in this life will not overcome you. “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32). Don’t let your earthly perspective push you away from the One who is working for your good. Trust Him, God knows best.