The heart of the writer


I've been rather absent in my posting for the last few weeks, and while I feel a little bad about this, I'm trying to give myself the grace to get through the things I need to. December is not an easy month for me, and while I try to put on a smile and participate in all the family functions, my heart isn't usually in them. I find I need to distract myself from thinking about the children I have loved and lost, but there are constant reminders everywhere that they're not here. And while I have been productive in my writing (my book on the letter of James is now with the publisher!), it hasn't been in the form of blog entries... here's where my heart has been...

When it comes to the loss of a child or loved one, the empty spot they leave behind in our hearts and lives is never completely filled up again. God created us as unique individuals, and no one can ever truly replace another person. We can make new friends, try to have more children, get married, and try to fill that spot, but it will never be truly the same again. Matthew 6:8 tells us that God our Father knows what we need before we even ask Him. There are so many minutes and moments that we let slip by without realizing that each one is in God's hands. God directs each one, and when we go through times of grief or pain, it's easy to lose sight of this. Remember who directs all things. Allow yourself time to grieve the things and the people you've lost, but don't sit in that grief. Feel it, turn to Him for comfort, and allow the truth of the gospel to fill you with peace. God is such a loving and gracious God in that He puts people in our lives for a time and purpose, but they aren't ours to hold on to. We, as Christians, are God's children; we belong to Him. This means that while we are given loved ones, they are only with us for a time, and only God knows how long that will be. When we look at the people God has put in our lives, we can see God's grace at work. God's grace can be seen in that friend who always checks in to see how you're doing, or that sibling who always calls and tries to make you laugh, or the spouse who lifts you up and is always there for you. It's even in the giggles of a child that brings a smile to your lips. He guides those moments when you're feeling down, and a stranger compliments you out of the blue. When you go through something tough, but an unexpected acquaintance shows up with the encouragement you need. These are all gifts of God's grace and love. Cherish the ones He has given you while you still have them, and when the pain of losing them feels overwhelming, remember that you are not alone in your grief. God knows your pain, and He is with you even in the darkest moments of your life. There is a reason and a purpose, though you may not see it now. It took me a long time to see any reason for the loss of my children, but God, in His grace, allowed me to see that they are all with Him. He gave me the children I so desperately wanted, but in His grace, He didn't let them linger in this sinful and pain-filled world. While I selfishly want to have them with me, I see the blessing in knowing that they are all saved and I will see them again. So, yes, I've allowed myself time to remember my children and grieve the things I will never have with them, but I know that the pain will not endure forever. The heart of this writer is reminded that even in the moments when I'm at a loss for words, He is with me. His word and grace will never leave me, and it is to this promise that I cling.

"Be strong and courageous.

Do not fear or be in dread of them,

for it is the LORD your God who goes with you.

He will not leave you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6

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